remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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