where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
