everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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