Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The air was thick with penises
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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