I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
