mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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