the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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