I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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