Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
