you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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