i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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