im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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