I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
