Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
