Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
