i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
