waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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