I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
