You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
