I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
