I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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