Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
