She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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