its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
