My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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