the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
