And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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