I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
