im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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