idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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