apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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