They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
