I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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