Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize