My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
