Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
