I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
