i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
