You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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