I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
