we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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