she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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