Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
