filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
