I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So vagazzling was a success
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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