real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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