what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We are all done wearing pants today
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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