im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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