Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
