Just cropdusted the office
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to calm my uterus...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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