I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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