i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
