so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
