Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
