my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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