Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
