I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
