My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
