Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
