My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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