My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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