woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
