I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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