I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
