So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my being single is dangerous.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
