I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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