White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
God I need to hump something, right now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
