beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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