everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
