A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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