at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
