Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
