Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
