What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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