Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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