are you still at the devil's house?
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
