And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
