the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
