She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
