Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
