just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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