oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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