Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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