Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
