threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
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I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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