Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
