I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
